My Experience with Vipassana Meditation
I have decided to take time and reflect on some of my more interesting experiences from the last couple of years. One of these experiences was a Vipassana meditation retreat that I had gone to back in early 2017, in New Zealand.
I wanted to take the time to introduce to you this meditation technique and share my experience, as well as some reflections three years after the retreat.
From the experiences of many, today and throughout history, the Vipassana method holds great promise in liberating those who practice it from mental impurities and emotional baggage, meanwhile promoting joy and contentment. With that said, I personally, through completing the 10-day course, had not experienced any profound changes in my mental and emotional state that I was aware of. (more on that later).
Okay, So,
What is Vipassana Meditation?
Vipassana is an ancient Indian meditation technique. Origins of this technique date back to before Motama the Buddha, more than 2500 years ago. The word Vipassana means (insight into the true nature of things), or (Seeing things as they really are). This practice is non-sectarian in nature and does not center on any religion or dogma. It is a technique for mental purification that can be practiced by all who are seeking a deeper and richer experience in life.
Vipassana meditation is usually taught during a 10-day meditation course. However, for old students, longer courses of 30 to 45 days do exist.
Where Can I find a Vipassana Meditation Retreat?
Today, there are over 172 Vipassana meditation centers, and 134 non-centers scattered around the globe, all of which are under the instruction of current teacher S.N. Goenka (b. 1924–2003), whose videotaped sessions guide the students along the course.
All Vipassana meditation centers operate strictly on a donation basis. So, the course and all its amenities are provided for free. Donations are only accepted from those who complete the full 10-days and are informed after completion of the minimum donation to cover their board and lodging.
All participants are expected to complete the full 10-days, however, there is no obligation and one can leave anytime.
Retreat Overview
The first four days of the course are a prelude to the Vipassana method with a focus on the sensation of the breath entering and exiting the nostrils. The intention is to sharpen the concentration and enhance the sensitivity of the brain in feeling body sensations. By the end of the fourth day, the mind is calmer, centered, and ready to undertake the practice of Vipassana.
Through body scans, one would observe sensations that arise on the body. The key, however, to the success of the method is to do so while maintaining a sense of equanimity and objectivity toward these sensations. This is achieved by learning not to react to sensations and instead simply observe. On the final day, a meditation on loving-kindness is undertaken to share the purity developed throughout the course with all beings.
The course requires a daily cumulative of 10 hours of meditation, split into 1 to 2-hour intervals. Since the purpose of the course is one’s liberation from their own life situation — as Eckhart Tolle put it — and penetrate the deepest level of the subconscious mind, a high level of mental focus is required. To help establish this focus, as well as to eliminate any distractions or means of emotional numbing, the following prohibitions are in place:
Talking (this is a silent meditation retreat, however one can speak to the instructor during specified hours for consultation, or to the course manager for any concerns).
Phone
Books or reading material
Pen and paper
Music
Games
Yoga and any other form of exercise except for walks within the course vicinity
Any religious rights or rituals
This is of course in addition to the precepts of the Vipassana practice, which every person must take a verbal oath to adhere to on the first evening of the course:
To abstain from killing any being
To abstain from stealing
To abstain from all sexual activity (Males and Females are segregating during the course to avoid distractions. Although, in the meditation hall of this particular center, males and females were only separated by a path that leads to the front of the hall where the teacher sits)
To abstain from telling lies
To abstain from all intoxicants (along with the obvious, that is, alcohol and drugs, smoking is also prohibited during the course period)
My Experience with Vipassana
As the course started, I had hoped that all my initial doubts regarding this technique would have been put to rest, but, they were not.
However, newfound doubts arose. Many questions I had were not addressed by either S.N. Goenka’s videotaped nightly discourses, or during the multiple follow up meetings the teacher had with me. I had thought that the most important questions were not being addressed.
S.N. Goenka went on and on about how Vipassana (aka body scans) is, out of a multitude of meditation techniques, capable of reaching the deepest levels of the subconscious mind and subsequently heal old conditioned patterns. No further elaboration was given on that and I wanted more answers. “Why did this technique heal the old patterns?” I wondered. I was dumbfounded how people dutifully meditated for 10-hours without knowing exactly what they were doing and why.
In all honesty, I broke several precepts. I brought in my journal and pen. I guess it was one of the few ways I had to keep my sanity. Also, I was performing my Muslim prayers even though I was explicitly asked not to (check out my next blog post for my details on that).
Each day became harder and harder to get through and I thought of quitting on several occasions. I remember voicing my intention to quit to the course manager, who was a Frenchman in his mid 50’s and did not get much consolation. He had a stoic expression-less demeanor that reminded me of Adolf Hitler. In an effort to break the ice, I actually told him who he reminded me of. My joke was not received pleasantly and I was asked to show respect and only speak when necessary.
I woke up every morning at 4 AM and took a quick cold shower before heading to the meditation hall for an hour-long meditation session. I felt cold, both literally and metaphorically. I was pushing through the days as I was faced with every reason to quit. “Why am I putting myself through this?” I thought. “I could literally just walk out of this place and no one would care”. However, I kept the hope that there were some deep lessons and even healings that were taking place below the surface.
In hindsight, I see that I was too hung up on intellectualizing the process and had a hard time letting go. I was seeking relief from my repetitive and persistent negative thoughts and at the time believed I could do so with the power of my mind.
The course ended — as had been promised — in 10 days. It, however, felt much, much longer. It was weird because I left feeling as anxious if not more anxious than when I went in. I didn’t understand why that was and still don’t. However, I believe it had less to do with the efficacy of the technique and more about my own attachments and expectations. It was clear there were many layers to my emotional distress and that, although I wanted to be free of my overwhelming feelings of self-consciousness and shame, I still had many layers to shed and heal.
I have grown and shifted tremendously over the last three years since attending this retreat and I am open to undergoing another 10-day retreat with an evolved perspective and approach.
Final Words
Here are my final words:
Unfortunately, there are no one-fits-all solutions when it comes to personal growth and emotional healing. Many people have reported huge shifts when having had undergone this 10-day meditation retreat. The only way to know for certain is to attend a retreat for yourself.
Regardless of whether you believe in the efficacy of Vipassana in healing your shit, it is a great way to unplug from the matrix and come back into your world more deliberate and conscious.
Once you leave the retreat, you would have primed yourself to be more attuned to what is happening in your body and mind. However, you are still asked to keep the practice going by meditation for an hour in the morning and in the evening. This will allow you to make the appropriate shifts in your internal and external environments to support your growth and wellbeing.
If you are finicky, make sure you do your research on the Vipassana center you visit. A center in India is not the same as one in New Zealand.
Since retreats are technically free, many centers fill up fast. So you will need to make sure you have a secure seat before making any traveling plans.
If you are not up for something like this. The easiest thing would be to start a daily silent meditation practice of your own. Start with 5 minutes (preferably in the morning) and build up to at least 30 minutes.
Stay tuned for my next blog post in which I explore how Vipassana works and Vipassana in the context of religion.